Woman (left screen) I think that my biggest fear is that I’ll let the fear kind of take over and hold me back from becoming who I know I could become, and that’s somebody, you know, who is creative and paints, and creates costumes and I feel like I hold back from a lot of opportunities because I have this crippling fear of failure. I’m so scared to disappoint people that I work for that sometimes I’ll just say no or toss the job off to somebody else and then I end up in the back seat watching the world become a place that I want to be in, but I’m too scared to step in, and it’s ridiculous, it’s completely stupid. I feel like fear is one of those things that can a great push for people, a great motivation, you push past those fears and you push yourself to grow and get better, or you use that fear and you let it eat you alive and you don’t do anything with your life. You just kind of lose your sense of purpose, and I think that’s something that’s really dangerous for people is feel like they have no purpose or no worth. I’m scared that that’s what I’ll end up doing. There’s a lot of times I wake up and I wonder why I’m still here, like what am I doing, and 48 then there’s other days where I feel great and feel strong. I think the main thing is trying to learn to use fear to push yourself and not fall back into it, not let it take over. I really hope that that’s something I can accomplish sometime soon and not constantly feel like I’m drowning and, you know, doubt. Dona (pantalla esquerra) Crec que la meua major por és permetre que la por s’apodere de mi i m’impedisca convertir-me en qui sé que podria convertir-me, en una persona creativa i que pinta, que dissenya roba. I sent que em tire arrere en moltes oportunitats perquè tinc aquesta por paralitzant de fracassar. Tinc tanta por de decebre la gent per a qui treballe que, a vegades, dic que no o passe el treball a un altre i em quede en segon pla veient com el món es converteix en un lloc en què vull estar, però on tinc massa por a entrar. I és una favada, és una estupidesa. Sent que la por és una d’aquestes coses que pot ser un gran impuls per a algunes persones, una gran motivació, t’obris camí a través d’aquestes pors i t’esforces per créixer i millorar, o uses aquesta por i li permets que et devore i no fas res amb la teua vida. És com que perds el sentit del propòsit, i crec que això és molt perillós per a la gent, que senten que no tenen propòsit o valor. Tinc por que acabe fent això. Moltes vegades em desperte i em pregunte per què continue ací, què hi faig, i hi ha altres dies en què em sent genial i fort. Crec que l’objectiu principal és intentar aprendre a usar la por com a impuls i no ofegar-t’hi, no permetre que et controle. Espere poder aconseguir-ho prompte i no sentir constantment que m’estic ofegant i, bé, dubtant.
Gillian Wearing
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