you have a scarecrow to go along with the corn. One night my two older brothers decided to play a prank on me when I was like three years old. They brought the scarecrow into the house and it scared the shit out of me. Ever since then I’ve always been really uncomfortable, they make me really uneasy, the sight of them. Whenever I’m around them, it’s just not good for me. I need, I start to be panicky a little bit. And then, somewhere down the road, the fear of paper cuts got to be, it makes me weak, it makes me want to faint at the thought of them. They’ve manifested themselves together and the thought of a scarecrow coming into my room at night and tying me down and using an envelope or some sort of thick piece of paper and just paper cutting my genitalia over and over and over again. The thought just plays in my mind and it keeps me awake. I can’t sleep. I try to leave the tv on. I have music playing or something just to distract my brain to not think about that to keep me awake at night. I don’t know how long it’s going to go on for or if I’ll have to experience it in real life for me to get over it, but, we’ll see. Home (pantalla esquerra) Em vaig criar en una granja d’Indiana els tres primers anys de la meua vida. Teníem uns quants acres de terra i un poc de dacsa. I, òbviament, si tens dacsa, tens un espantall amb la dacsa. Una nit, els meus dos germans majors van decidir gastar-me una broma quan tenia uns tres anys. Van ficar l’espantall a casa i em vaig cagar de por. Des de llavors, sempre he estat molt incòmode, em fan sentir molt intranquil, només de veure’ls. Quan estic a prop d’ells, no és bo per a mi. Necessite, comença a entrar-me pànic. I, llavors, en algun moment de la meua vida, la por dels talls de paper va tornar, em debilita, fa que vulga desmaiar-me només de pensar-hi. S’han manifestat junts, i el fet de pensar en un espantall que entra en la meua habitació a la nit i em lliga, i usant un sobre o algun tipus de paper gros em talla els genitals una vegada, i una altra, i una altra, és un pensament que es reprodueix en la meua ment i no em deixa dormir. No puc dormir. Intente deixar la tele encesa. Em pose música o faig qualsevol altra cosa només per a distraure el meu cervell i no pensar en això i no dormir. No sé quant de temps durarà o si hauré d’experimentar-ho en la vida real per a superar-ho, però ja veurem. 39 Woman (right screen) It all started in my first year of my current job. I was dating a guy named Ross and nothing was really happening with us, it was mostly friendship. We were still getting to know each other, but somehow, you know, as time went on, we ended things and throughout my job and the area I work in it got around, oh I’m dating him, you know, I was sleeping with him. The next person I started talking to, even just being friends with, it got around I started sleeping with him by the time six months had passed I had slept with 8 people in my area. You know, here’s me joking around going, I’m a Stud, oh wait I’m a girl, I can’t be a stud. Trying to brush it off, but at the same time it was very hurtful and being bullied. People were talking about me I didn’t even know. A friend of mine, Jeff, was defending me at one of the places he works in the department people were talking about me and he walked up to them and he goes “do you even know her,” “have you even met her?” and they’re like “no, but we’ve heard things,” and he goes “well if you’ve never met her you should be quiet about it.” So there were a few standing up for me, but over the years things have just gotten worse. It’s definitely something that I loathe most of all, is people that spread gossip, because it is a form of bullying and bullying is never acceptable no matter where you go. Dona (pantalla dreta) Tot va començar el primer any del meu treball actual. Estava eixint amb un tipus anomenat Ross i no passava res entre nosaltres: era bàsicament una amistat. Encara ens estàvem coneixent, però d’alguna forma, amb el pas del temps, vam trencar, i en el meu treball i en l’àrea en què treballe es va córrer la veu que estic eixint amb ell, saps? Que m’estava gitant amb ell. També es
Gillian Wearing
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