My secret is that at 57 I’m a virgin. I’ve never been with a woman, nor a bloke for that matter. And, possibly from my background –I’ve got brothers, no sisters, no girl cousins, so a pretty boyish childhood. And then I went to boarding school, public school, my brother thinks that when we went there, maybe for the whole time we were there, at a boy’s school, and maybe our sexual mentality stopped. So you go eight years, as a ten-year-old almost, then on to university, so we were always about eight years behind. So maybe when I started work at 24, I was like a 16-year-old, and from there on you never ever kind of, feel that when you’re, with a woman, trying to get friendly, you’ll always be a bit, backward. And that continued throughout my life. I was involved in sports, and the sports was very blokey sport. So, again, not many girls around, until, recently. And of course then you’re with all the blokes, and there’s all the guffaws and the, the innuendos and jokes you can’t just joke along with them... And, what else though? That’s continued all the time, even when you went to mixed sport you can’t; not really mixing in. As far as the lies go, bizarrely I haven’t really had to lie that much. I suppose it’s only teenagers who wants to know how many, how much, and so on. So after that I haven’t really had to lie, until last year. I was with a group of blokes and they were discussing teenage pregnancies and suddenly one said, ‘I lost it at 21’, and it went round the table and, for a split second, did I say anything? And then suddenly I just said ‘22’. And that was the first time I’ve ever had to lie I think. So that’s really my secret and my lies, I suppose. Obviously I would like to be with a woman, but you kind of think, it’s all going to get... So for instance at the moment I coach students, and I thought one might be coming on to me, but as 64 the Americans would say, if you get to third base, you kind of think, what could happen then? So the students might think that I’m... well might be more experienced than I am, and the same goes for the women at my sports club, where, they would expect me to know more than I do. So I don’t attempt to get to third base because I don’t know what would happen after that. I would like to be with a woman, but you just kind of think, at what point would you get to be with someone who expects you to be more? I have been actually on sites, and now experiencing some problems; ageism, experienceism –a lot of them say, ‘oh can you last so long’, and obviously I’ve no idea, so there are problems in even trying to lose it now, as one might say. Secrets i mentires. El meu secret és que als 57 anys sóc verge, mai he estat amb una dona, ni amb un home, de fet. –I açò probablement siga degut al meu passat– tinc germans, cap germana, cap cosina, així que vaig tindre una infància prou masculina. I vaig ser a un internat, públic, el meu germà creu que quan vam ser allí, potser durant tot el temps que vam estar allí, en un col·legi de xics, potser la nostra mentalitat sexual es va detindre. Així que passes allí huit anys, un xiquet de quasi deu anys, després vas a la universitat, així que portem un retard d’uns huit anys. Així que potser quan vaig començar a treballar als 24, era com un xic de 16 anys, i a partir d’ací mai de la vida, com que, sents que, quan estàs, amb una dona, intentant ser sociable, sempre estaràs un poc retret. I això ha continuat al llarg de la meua vida. Vaig participar en esports, i els esports eren molt de mascles. Així que, de nou, sense moltes xiques al voltant, fins a fa poc. I, clar, quan estàs amb tots els tios, i amb les riallades, i les indirectes, i les bromes i tu no pots bromejar amb ells... I, no obstant això, què més es pot fer? Això ha seguit així tot el temps, fins i tot quan anava a esport mixt... no pots; no et mescles. Pel que fa a les mentides, curiosament, no he hagut de mentir tant. Supose que són només els adolescents els qui volen saber quants, quant, etcètera. Així que després d’això no he hagut de mentir molt, fins a l’any passat. Estava amb un grup de tios i estaven parlant d’embarassos adolescents i de sobte un va dir, “Jo la vaig perdre als 21”, i la qüestió va recórrer la taula i,
Gillian Wearing
To see the actual publication please follow the link above